Dear Dad

I miss you.  Life has changed a lot since you left.  Cars run on electricity, phones talk back, and there is an African-American President.  People can use the same monitor to watch television and surf the internet, just as you predicted they would.

Some things remain the same.  The Leafs are in a Cup drought, Pakistan and India remain unfriendly, and I’m still a geek obsessed with books, jewelry and design.

Last year I got married.

On the big day, I got a sense of comfort by incorporating your wedding photos on the receiving table.  I wore the chain and pendant you got me under my bridal necklace so I could keep you close to my heart.  Shy Mom walked me down the aisle – it was quite the sight!

We made a donation to charity in your memory.

We couldn’t do a father-daughter dance, but I made sure to include some of your favourite Beatles songs on the playlist.

Your sister helped me choose my wedding dress.  Your mother gifted my bangles.  Your father sent my mayoun outfit.

It was hard planning the wedding without you .

I know you had the best seat in the house that day.  Thinking of you this week and always.*

Love,

Me.

Readers, have you included lost loved ones on your wedding day?  What did you do?

More ideas on planning in grief and how to honour lost loved ones:

(*) Inna lillahi wa innah ilayhi raji’un.

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  • June 16, 2012 - 10:35 PM

    nancyciccone - Beautiful post…thanks for reminding me to hug my Dad a little tighter tomorrow.ReplyCancel

  • July 9, 2012 - 9:34 PM

    becausemymothersaidso - My father passed away when I was 13, and I’m getting married next year, inshallah. Thus far, the planning process has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me…I’ve never grieved like this before…the feelings that the wedding is stirring up in me makes me think that I never grieved properly at all….Thank you for this post. I feel as though only those who have lost a parent really understand how emotionally difficult a wedding can be. I really appreciate this post. :)

    Also, I think you may like my blog :)http://www.becausemymothersaidso.wordpress.comReplyCancel

    • July 9, 2012 - 9:47 PM

      Rubies and Ribbon - Thank you for the sweet feedback. It’s true, no one can know this feeling unless they’ve been through it. It was definitely one of the hardest things to think about when planning (“Oh my gosh who is going to be my Nikkah witness?!”) but the actual day went well because of my support system plus little reminders of him that gave me comfort. Best of luck and please let me know if you need help!ReplyCancel

  • July 10, 2012 - 12:38 PM

    becausemymothersaidso - I’m so glad your day went well :) I really liked the idea of having his wedding picture on the receiving table and the necklace he gave you. Thus far I’ve been finding your blog so helpful, and yes I may take you up on your offer ! :) ReplyCancel

  • June 15, 2013 - 9:49 PM

    In Honour of Father’s Day – Wedding Planning While Greiving | mybigfatpakistaniwedding - […] post was inspired by Sidra Ruby Ahmed of Rubies and Ribbon. She authored a beautiful letter to her late father about her wedding, and inspired me to do the […]ReplyCancel

  • June 15, 2013 - 9:57 PM

    Safa - Sidra! It’s Safa (from becausemymothersaidso and mybigfatpakistaniwedding) I wanted to share this post that you inspired me to write: http://mybigfatpakistaniwedding.wordpress.com/2013/06/16/in-honour-of-fathers-day-wedding-planning-while-greiving/ReplyCancel

  • June 16, 2013 - 12:49 PM

    Amna Hakim - super hugs <3<3<3 thanks for sharing, means a lot!ReplyCancel

  • June 16, 2013 - 1:27 PM

    NataliyA - So sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in the beginning of 2012 and it is so hard everyday. My youngest sister isn’t married and keeps thinking of how he wont be there whenever she gets married. It made me immensely sad always when i thought of that because she was my dad’s favorite and literally a piece of his heart lived in her. After reading this, i feel a little better. Thanks so much for sharing this. May God bless your dad and make our losses easier for all of us. Lots of love for you.ReplyCancel

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